My wife can’t get enough sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and my wife is 24. We have a two-year-old daughter. My wife and I are not seeing eye to eye these days.

I am not the going-out type but she wants us to go out every week. She says that we are making enough money, so at least we could spend some money by going for dinner every Friday or Saturday night. My wife is half-Indian. I compromised and took her out for dinner in July. We went out again on Emancipation Day. She wanted us to spend a weekend on the north coast, but I told her I was not interested because we were spending too much money. It caused a big fuss between us. She told me that when I die, she is going to bury all the money I left behind in my casket, so at least I would know that I took everything with me. She is a very good mother. She takes very good care of our daughter. But she spends too much on clothes and food. She is always ordering stuff online for herself and her mother.

When I was growing up, I used to hear people say that Indian women cannot be easily satisfied sexually. I used to hear that they have 'white liver' and they always want more sex. I have come to realise that that is true. Sometimes I would make love to my wife for an hour or more, and I feel exhausted. But she would still beg me for more. Each time I have to remind her that I have to go to work in the morning and she would reply, "That is why I feed you well, so that you can satisfy me." I have even caught my wife masturbating after we have had sex, and I feel very guilty knowing that I have not totally satisfied her.

I told my wife that I would buy her a vibrator, but she said she did not want any because I am around; and she doesn't see why she should use a vibrator when I should learn to bring comfort to her. My wife has a way of telling me to lay down on my stomach and when I fall asleep, she will go on my back and fool around by pleasuring herself. Sometimes I wonder if my wife would cheat on me because she is not getting full satisfaction from me. I would like to hear from you.

T.B.

Dear T.B.,

I do not believe that you should worry yourself about whether your wife would cheat on you because she wants to have more sex from you.

Both of you love each other dearly, and although she has asked you a number of times for more sex, what I believe she is demanding is more lovemaking. Sir, you have to learn that a couple can make love for more than an hour, and that is what I believe your wife is yearning to have you do. It means you should spend more time in pampering her and playing with her entire body. You should not be in a hurry to insert your penis in her vagina. Sometimes if a man really knows what to do, his wife may experience orgasm long before he inserts his penis in her.

Lovemaking, you should learn, is an art, and some men have not learnt it, so their women complain that the men jump on, do their thing, and jump off. Foreplay is important. You say your wife is always asking you for more. You have to learn what is called the afterglow, which is important to women. The man stays with his woman and continues to romance her until she falls asleep. You should try that out. Go and buy some books on lovemaking and it will help your relationship. Don't bother to waste your money on the vibrator; your woman wants you, and you are more important than a vibrator.

Pastor