In love with a liar and a cheat

September 23, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am a regular reader of your column. My boyfriend is also 21. We have a one-year-old child. My boyfriend is a good father to our son, but he is liar and a cheat. He keeps telling me that he loves me. The first time I found out that he was cheating, the baby was three months old.

The girl came to his home one one morning and saw us sleeping in the bed. She started to curse. This led to a big argument in the house. The girl asked my boyfriend about the baby and he said he didn't know whether the child was his. That said a lot to me. I cannot tell you everything that happened that day, but it was a lot to handle, because honestly, I didn't expect it.

I love this man a lot, but I don't think he loves me. Two months ago, I started to have a funny feeling after my boyfriend began acting weird. For instance, he started going outside late at nights to use his phone. He was also treating me badly, and saying mean stuff. Whenever I got angry, he said he was only joking and try to friend me up.

I know something was up but I wasn't sure what it was. One night I decided to go through his phone. I saw that he was messaging a number of girls on both WhatsApp and Instagram. It appeared that he is in a relationship with these girls because he was having regular sexual conversations. One of the girls he was having regular sexual conversations to is someone I know very well. She is much younger than me.

Having made those discoveries, I started to curse my boyfriend out and he was acting as if he was clueless. I got very emotional and I couldn't control myself. The same girl keeps messaging me, but she doesn't have any clue that I know what is happening.

My boyfriend keeps telling me that he loves me. Sometimes I don't know why we are still together because he doesn't seem to value my love. He he is always doing the same thing over and over. I always pray about our relationship. If God is trying to say to me 'It has run its course and you deserve better', so be it. I hope to hear from you.


Dear L.B.,

The decision is yours whether or not you stay with this young man. However, as I see it, as a counsellor, this man does not deserve you. He does not respect you. He has been making a fool of you all along and you deserve better.

He is a liar and a cheat, and he does not care about the relationship. I can imagine that other women are laughing at you. You should not only tell him that you are planning to leave him, you should try and make provision to leave.

I don't know your situation, but if you come from a home where there is accommodation, pack up and go back. I am not suggesting that you leave and go and live with another man because another man might be just as bad. However, you need to live somewhere where you can think rationally and plan for your future.

I have observed that you are a praying young woman because you have said that you have been praying about the relationship. I hope that you have been making contributions to the National Housing Trust so that you will be able to get a house in the near future. You are an intelligent girl, I can see that from your letter.

I hope you will also insist that this man takes care of his child. Stop arguing with the other women who are involved with this man. I am sure he is lying to them as well. I will be praying for you. May the Good Lord bless you.

Let me hear from you again.


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