My man said marriage would just spoil our relationship

December 07, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 60 years old and a hard-working woman. I have my own house, my own car, and I have a good job. I am not married, but I have a male friend. He is 62, but he looks younger than me. He has his own house, but he sleeps at my house most of the time.

My three children are on their own. They respect him. I asked this man when can we get married, and he said that we are already happy people, marriage would just spoil our relationship. I asked myself sometimes, where is this relationship going?

My son, who is not living far away from me, comes to see me every Sunday. He and my man have such a pleasant relationship. This man supports one political party and my son the other. They discuss politics all the time. I keep out of it. I don't want this relationship to end because I don't want to lose this man. He has charmed me. I don't want to be alone anymore. How can I get this man to marry me? I am looking for my letter in THE STAR.


Dear I.T.,

You are very happy with this man, but at the same time, you would like to get married. He is in no hurry to marry you. He said that both of you are happy together and that marriage will spoil the relationship. Perhaps he has had bad experiences before. Some men who were once married, or had a stable relationship and were disappointed, do not wish to marry again. They think that it is too risky. Don't rush this man into marriage. If you are tired of the relationship, tell him that it has to end. This man gets along very well with your children, especially your son. You should discuss your future with your children. I know it is not often that a counsellor would say that a woman should be guided by their children's advice, but I am saying to you, discuss the matter with them and be guided by their advice.

I wish both of you well.


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