My wife has lost all interest in me

December 02, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem in my marriage. My wife has not been sleeping in our bedroom since sometime in 2019 and all of 2020. She is claiming that the room is stuffy.

I am aware that if a room is closed, it will be stuffy for the whole night. I suggested that she open the windows, but she chose not to. The room door is not closed all the time. I am thinking that there is something that she is not telling me. I have been dusting the room and wiping the floors. She sleeps in the other room with our daughter.

She had an operation for endometriosis and fibroids, therefore, her womb was taken out. As a consequence, she has lost her libido and has not been taking anything for it. She is a school teacher, so she spends long hours preparing lesson plans and teaching materials. I help around the house to make things easier for her. I wash my clothes and look after dinner sometimes. I do all the errands, pay the bills, go to the supermarket and to the market.

Our sex life is almost non-existent. Can you imagine that sometimes for six months we don't touch each other? Not even a hug! And we live in the same house. I am seeking counselling for us.


Dear N.N.,

Your wife has lost interest in you and in the relationship on a whole. According to you, she is not making any effort to show you that she cares. I am so very sorry to know that the passion has gone out of the relationship. How can she use the excuse that the room that both of you sleep in is stuffy? At least if she feels that way she should indeed open the windows so that fresh air may come in. You know that she is making a very stupid excuse for not wanting to be in the room with you. She does not want to sleep with you at all. She should also know that by her actions she is destroying her relationship. But, perhaps, she doesn't care.

To avoid you, she spends all her time correcting books and preparing lessons. That's how it appears to me. I believe that you have taken the right approach. Both of you need to sit with a family counsellor and discuss the matter. If she is not interested in meeting with a family counsellor, you will know for sure that she is not interested in the marriage. And if she is not interested in the marriage any more, then you should seek the help of a lawyer.

I have observed that you have given me your number. You should discuss with your wife whether she would prefer for us to meet. If she is in agreement you should call me at 876-929-1667 or 876-877-1009 and make an appointment to see me. I hope that both of you are vaccinated. I will not meet with you unless both of you are vaccinated. I look forward, therefore, to hearing from you again. I am willing to help you further. May God bless you, my friend. Don't allow stress to get the better of you.


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