A cell phone nearly wrecked my life

July 31, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I had a boyfriend, and when I left high school I told him that I didn't want to stop going to school because I wanted a career.

He asked me what kind of career I wanted. I told him I would like to be a flight attendant. He told me my stomach was too high and that I should choose something else. He and I did not see eye to eye.

He was five years older than I and every day he talked about us having sex. My mother taught us as girls not to take money from men. So when he offered me money, I did not take his money.

He was very close to one of my brothers, so when it came around to my birthday, he promised to buy me a cell phone. I told my mother about it and she told me not to encourage him to buy it.

I was not too pleased about that, so I complained to my brother, who agreed with my mother.

He told me that he gives his girlfriend money every week, and whenever he wanted to have sex with her, she had to give it to him, because he is spending his money on her.

So if this guy gives me anything, he is going to want me to give him back something. I did not see it that way; I was looking forward to receiving a new phone. But I told my boyfriend not to buy me the phone; he bought it nevertheless.

When I took the phone home, my mother cursed me and told me to call him on her phone and ask him to come and see her. The following day he came, and my mother told him that we are poor people but we have pride.

She said also that I didn't need to have such an expensive phone and if I would not listen to her, then she would expect me to leave her house.


Right before him, my mother asked me to hand over the phone. I was so ashamed. I went for the phone and gave it to him. My mother told him that she was not trying to break us up, but that she believed what he was doing was to soften me up to get between my legs.

He said, "None of that mother." My mother said that if she had listened to her father, she would not have got pregnant with me and involved with a man who never supported me.

She said that because of her 'hard ears', she did not listen, and the first time she had sex with him, she got pregnant. And had it not been for her older sister, who was at the house to shield her, her father would have beaten her.

This guy and I broke up, but whenever I see him he asks me for my mother. I did not become an air hostess, but I am a successful businesswoman and my mother and I are very close, and she is living with me.

My father told me that he regretted not marrying my mother. My younger sister got married to a pastor. I could buy many cell phones.

This guy who offered me the phone for my birthday has six children with different women and has not married any one of his children's mothers. Keep up your good work.


Dear O.W.,

Looking back over your young life, you probably thought that your mother was so hard, but she was very wise. Perhaps if she had allowed you to accept the phone, the young man would have seen that as a way for both of you to become closer.

And, indeed, he probably would have made claims on your life. But your mother stopped him in his tracks as she remembered the mistakes that she made.

As she put it, it was because of her 'hard ears' why your father got her pregnant. But he never supported you. Hard ears have got many girls pregnant.

I am pleased to know that you have become a successful businesswoman and that your mother is living with you. You know that she meant well when she refused to allow you to accept the phone from this young man. You have a good story to tell.


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