Ungrateful man left me after I helped him succeed

June 05, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you feeling very sad and wondering if the problem is with me. I am 18, and my ex is five years older. We were together for two years and nine months.

At first, he was the nicest person I could ever imagine. He was very kind, respectful, loving and trustworthy. After he told me about his past, I grew to have a stronger and deeper connection with him.

He had an extremely rough path, more than anyone could ever imagine.

His parents turned their backs on him at an important time in his life. I was even the one who helped him out of many situations, and encouraged him to forgive his parents, and to move on and to love them. I even helped him sometimes when he was hungry.


When he joined the army, I was so proud of him. I was very happy for him and that he had passed his worse. I took him as my role model, knowing all that he has been through in his life, and he still fought his way through his situation and made something of his life.

About a year and a month later, much has changed. I started hearing from him less. Even when he did have the time to talk, he was never in the mood.

I've always tried to make the connection, and for my love to remain the same. His very own people who used to talk bad about him and looked at him like a piece of trash started to talk to him much more. I remained faithful and honest to him.

He does not speak to me the same way he did when we first met. He has changed and even texted other lovers and had sex with them. I knew he cheated on me.

About three months ago, we ended the relationship, but I am still hurting, knowing all we have been through together.

With all that has happened, I believe that he is a very ungrateful man who does not remember his past. Pastor, please to give me your advice in this situation.


Dear J.N.,

I agree with you. This young man is very ungrateful because you have stood with him in very difficult times when nobody was helping him, not even his relatives.

Then you came along and you gave your all to him; therefore, he should show gratitude to you. He does not know what it means to show kindness to a person, especially one who loves him, and I use the word kindness because he ought to know (although I don't think he knows) that if there is anyone to whom he should be kind, it's you.

He should never ignore you and to treat you like you do not exist. He should make time for you, and if he believes that the relationship will not work, he should handle the situation delicately. He should not crush you, but that is exactly what he is doing.

In other words, he is behaving as if he has arrived. However, I am going to say to you, try to be strong and look at the relationship as a learning experience.

You fed him when he was hungry; you brought comfort to his life when his parents turned their backs on him. He could never truly reward you for what you have done for him, and someone needs to tell this man that now that he has become a solider, he should never forget what you have done for him. Without your help he would not have been at this stage of his journey in life.

He is very disrespectful. You have the right to feel that this man has let you down and it's natural for you to cry, but don't cry for too long because there is going to be a time when this man is going to regret what he did to you.

He is riding high right now because he has other women, but I want you to use the weapon of prayer to bring comfort to yourself, and I ask the good Lord to give you a good man in His own time.

Even if this man should come back and beg you pardon, don't make the mistake to take him back in your life.


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