16 and in love with my dad’s best friend

April 02, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I'm going through something that I don't understand, and I think I need help.

I'm 16 and in high school. I am in love with this man who is only a year younger than my father. I know you may say I'm not ready for a relationship, but I'm sure you understand what love can do.

This man and I have been in a relationship from I was 15. He always gives me things without me even asking.

He says that he doesn't want me to run out of anything and going around to other men. I asked him about having sex with me from I was 15 and he said no; as soon as I reached the age of consent.

Even though my mom is strict, I think that is the reason why I'm still a virgin. If it was for my dad alone, I would be wild.

Pastor, sometimes my body goes out of control because I think that I'm ready. But this man continues to tell me that I'm not ready and he doesn't want to hurt me.

That makes me somehow think that he is getting sex from other females, but he said he wouldn't do that because that would hurt me.

I love this man and he loves me based on what I've observed. He's an entrepreneur, and many times he'd be at work and talk to me on the phone for the whole day when my mom is not around.

I know his children, his mother, and his father. He's also a best friend of my dad, but we can't allow anyone to know anything.

No matter what I try to do to occupy my time, these sex emotions won't leave me alone. Sometimes I can't but to just masturbate.

Please help me and tell me what to do. Do you think I should see a doctor?

Initial Withheld,

Dear Writer,

You may be surprised to hear me say that nothing is physically wrong with you. There are some young women in your age group who are very sexual.

They have matured very fast and they always feel that they want to have sex. It is a real struggle.

Sexual urges and the desire to have sexual intercourse have never killed anybody. So, I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you.

This man you consider to be your boyfriend has been playing it very safe.

Now that you are 16 and this man has not yet agreed to have sex with you, it is bothering you. You believe that probably he has another woman with whom he is having sex.

You ought not to encourage him to have sex with you. If you do and it happens, you are going to regret what you did.

It seems to me that you might be looking for love from a much older man because your father did not show you much fatherly love. Every girl needs a good father.

You might not understand, but this man ought to know that he should never 'uncover your nakedness' because you are a child to him and you are his friend's daughter.

What he should be encouraging you to do is to go to school and to excel in your schoolwork, get a good profession and make a good contribution to society.

If you are not involved in sports, try and join a club and spend time on the field. Keep yourself well occupied. It would help your mind.

You would not think that sex is the only thing that a girl can do to help her to deal with her sexual desires and urges.

This man will not want his teenage daughter to become sexually involved with a man who is by far her senior.

Thank God for your mother. You must talk to her about how you feel and she will help to give you some guidance.

I don't know if you attend church, but try to go to church and to read your Bible and pray. You say your father doesn't care, but try to talk to him too, and ask him questions.

I will be praying for you, and feel free to write to me again. Don't discuss with this man any desire that you may feel for sex. And stop taking gifts from him.


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