Anger issues killed me slowly
I am very friendly and that has helped me because of the nature of my work, but what persons don't know is that I have terrible anger issues.
I am seeking help because I don't want to destroy myself or others. I am very vindictive. I don't believe I should lose any argument.
I can be a very wicked girl. For example, if someone has wronged me in any way possible and I can't get back at them, I would hack into their profiles or create some fake ones and expose their business and make them look bad and feel embarrassed.
I know what I am doing is pure evil and I don't want to do it anymore. I want to learn how to be humble. I want to learn how to be kind.
I want to learn how to control my anger and not let it destroy me or push others away. I want to learn how to forgive, because I hold on to things and I just don't know how to let go.
I want to learn how to trust. I always expect the worst from people and sometimes they are really honest, but because of my distrust, I can't see the good.
Pastor, I am looking forward to a reply from you.
Although you think of yourself as iniquitous, I want to commend you for coming to realise that you need professional help as you are not only ruining others, but you are destroying yourself because you are not at peace with yourself.
I am suggesting that the first thing to do is to seek the help of God.
In his book 'Counseling for Problems of Self-Control', Richard P. Walters, PhD, gives the following advice: "One should pray for the person with whom he or she is angry. And, one should always recognise that God is in control. And one also should release physical tension. Take five deep breaths and release them slowly. Listen to music you enjoy and play an instrument or sing. Put your energy into a simple physical task (sweep the garage, mow the grass, take a walk) do something you enjoy. Talk with a friend. Talk with yourself eye to eye before a mirror. Laugh. Cry. Write a description of what you are angry about, why you are angry, and what you plan to do about it. Relax. Control thoughts and behaviour. Control yourself. You mentally 'bite your tongue' and refuse to give freedom to your impulses. Do what you would do if a television crew started filming you while you are angry. Measure the issue. Is it worth getting angry about? Remind yourself that it is okay to have an angry feeling. Do not condemn yourself for your surge of anger. Shift your attention to something else. Count to 10 or recite the alphabet backward - thinking trivia is better than thinking hatred. Separate yourself from the scene of tension if you can, if only for a few minutes. Maintain positive thoughts. Replay your most relaxing vacation or your most contented moment."
I will not promise you that it would be easy for you to change, it would take hard work and the grace of God.
Perhaps, unconsciously, you learned from you were a child that the only way to respond to a problem was by getting angry.
Make an appointment to see a psychologist; and I would say to you, you are not so bad after all.
You are not willing to bury your anger as some people. You are willing to work on it and for that reason, I congratulate you.
I leave you with the words of the famous poet William Blake. And I ask God to help you by his grace to manage anger.
" I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night.
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.
And into my garden stole,
When the night had veild the pole;
In the morning glad I see;
My foe outstretched beneath the tree."